Uncertain

Which place should I seek it
It snaps on my face
After a short duration
It bangs on me
Leaving me blank
And full of angst
Along comes a pain
A strong one right in my gut

Source: Google

And a stone hanging in my throat
Stopping me from breathing
And that is a reminder
Of when I lost the one I loved
Perhaps it was worst than it is today
And I have come this far
So I will survive this
In the face of uncertainty
I will breathe and float
Just breathe and not struggle
And get off to sleep
For tomorrow will be better
It will be a different day

Author's Note: When going gets tough, be easy on yourself!

Now...

Now...

Such a crisp and snappy word. It looks like a high speed vehicle about to accelerate in the endless roads. But at the moment it is standing on a highway, while I am standing on a pavement next to Now.

While Now is to leave, there are questions I have for Now to answer me right at this moment. But Now never stops, it moves like the seconds hand of a clock. And I have this something to make Now stay for some more time, converse about the random things that make Now wonder. Just as the random stuff that makes me think deep. Just a drop on a window pane has the power to make me think about the universe, or just wonder what that one decision I took would have led me where in the parallel world.

Perhaps I am a deep thinking, and so is Now. But Now's ways are a little different. Now speaks in moments, I speak in lengths.

I want all the answers now, Now answers me in bits and pieces.

Source - Google Image Search

Author's Note: I have become someone who wants to figure out stuff right now. Sleepy now, dozing off!

Fence, a creaking Fence!

I had been sitting on a fence
Really narrow and weak
Holding my weight
And waiting for me
To muster enough strength to stand
It makes a creaking sound

Source: Google Image Search

As I make way to stretch my leg
Telling me to stop
For the fence is old and weak
bearing with me
But me, I have been exhausted
To see people unmask
The fence carries no mask
I was to be a playful accomplice
To the fence
I am in love with its honesty
Weak and dull
With all its imperfections
And loving me back
A little more intense than I love it
In real sense with all its raw and broken self.

Author's Note: Finally wrote something after a long long time, it was when I was about to toss off to sleep.

Zest for Z | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Zest for now
For time
For life
For the living
For nature
For trails
For you
For them
For everyone
To live and let live
To accept for who they are
To stop picking on weaker

Author's Note: Finally!

You for Y | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

You are my strength
I see you in the faces
Of people I cross by
And I get a reaffirmation
That you are around
You are my spirit
A humanly feeling
Clapping as I cross by
Cheering as I stand there
As I pass through life
You are  my passion
Who enjoy what I do
Adore what I talk
You are me

Author's Note: Y done!

Xenophobia for X | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Two red head girls enter a huge toy stall. They see no one, they look around and try to locate someone to help them. They started taking a look at the display and shortlisted toys for them. Their dad followed them to the stall and asked, pasand kar liya (have you made your choice). Hanjee (yes) both of them replied. Two kids came out from below the stall, with a sight of relief, yes they know Hindi.

A red head was born in a family, relatives were visiting the new born when one of the young boys raised his concern. Will I have to learn talking in English to speak to her. She does not look like an Indian and she will be speaking in pure English.

A long train journey, one family with an infant. The infant started crying as it looked at the red head. She looked out of the world to the infant.

These were quite cute examples of Xenophobia. Uglier stories exist. I just dont look an an Indian to many and they express their displeasure in many ways. Many subtle ways, one classic one is to get me stand in shade so that my fair skin don't shine while they make way to stand in sun. Many people have done that with me.
We fail to create a world of acceptance, a borderless world. And Xenophobia exists, across borders. We experience it even in out neighbourhood.

Worse nightmare for W | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Dying in a plane crash
Doing something without wanting to do it
Not being in love with the man I am with
Not loved back by people I love
Losing my Red hair
Surrounded by superstion mongers
Being in company of toxic manipulative people
Being out of touch with nature

That were a few of my worse nightmares.. What are yours?

Visitors for V | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Visitors are brief vacationers.
Who experience the feel of  a host's hospitality
The warmth of their food
And sun on their roof!

Author's Note: I got something in place.. Damn busy I am!

Unusual for U | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

You entered into my life
In the most unusal manners
And broke free along with me
I was not looking for an accomplice
Neither were you
But we ended up walking along
In unusual paths
In unusual ways
For unusual reasons

Author's Note: U done.. Yay yay yay <3 i="">

Tough Call for T | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

What is tougher - being with someone you don't love OR not being with someone you love. Both situations are mutually exclusive but both carry a hope. Develop love in first case or grow out of love in the later.

While uncomplicated we want lives to be we end up creating stop-over moments.

Such was the trouble, such was the agony of unanswered question and doubts that were not clarified before diving into deep dark waters. Only hope is to find something - a treasure, a mermaid or a companion who accepts you - know when you are about to suffocate and leads you to surface so you can just breath!

Author's Note: T from the archives... Yay. Just a week left to claim the challenge <3 p="">

Society for S | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

I somehow do not attend to the notions of pushing someone to be best unless I totally understand what being the best means for that person. I believe I am not worthy to take decisions for others and the best decision that comes from is the one who has to make a decision.

We look at the face as the ultimate benchmark. Wondering if I am falling for the right one. Or is my physical traits compatible with the mindset of someone else's.

That someone else is society that thinks it knows all. It knows what everyone should be doing. They preach while their life is not perfect. They fail to shut up and let them be. They fail to introspect even when repeatedly asked to. They think they know the best and that is their biggest myth.

Society, the confusion you breed in me or on anybody shows your shallow shade. Just shut up and let everyone be! No one needs your rule book, just stfu!

Author's Note: I am running fever! Chao...

Rebellion for R | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

My head-strong
attitude
invite sarcastic
comments from
The Women
I befriend

The elderly
Want me to
Shut up when
I feel the urge
to confront
A shame-er

Strangers mock
me when I
stand-up
against
ill-treatment

The policeman
shout at me
hoping I will
be silenced

My rebellion
Does not
Impress
The men
I date

Author's Note: R from the archives!

Quest of Self for Q | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Quest of self is one of important questions we all come face to face with at various point in life. Who am I and what is my purpose? Perhaps most of the religious teachings revolve around helping people find their calling and that's what they market themselves on.

Worried and clueless we look for saviours - many people find their calling in religion and take religious preaching as the ultimate truth.

Well to me - we keep changing or perhaps upgrading our versions. What we believe in today, could be something that our value system might challenge in the times to come.

We are all in a journey, towards a fateful end.
We are all work in progress and we all are our best version at any point in time.
We are all unique, heading for our only calling.
We are what we are donning - our dented armor.

Author's Note: Q done!

People who Manipulate for P | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

It will rain when I will be taking my last breaths.
I will be complete at that time - be it today or some years down the line.
I am content with what I made, knowing that I made it through life.
And on my death bed, I will don a smile!

But still many a time I come across people who want to fix my life. I see my life perfect, they see dents in it. Why? Perhaps because I do not go by their conventions.

Or perhaps there is an innate force that drives humans to look for flaws in others so that they can keep their hand on their heart and chant - all is well!

What comes next from such people is - Gossip, Uncalled-for suggestions or manipulation!

We do not even gauge that we are being manipulated into someone else's idea of life. Well I will surly call it manipulation. I have been dragged into manipulative situations. Till that time I realise that the thing is so not me. What then - I start to retract. Hurts both me, who feels that I should have been honest about my feelings and my way of life and it hurts the manipulator - who has failed at one of this classic solutions of being a life saviour.

If I look from manipulator's mind - do they understand that they are being manipulative? As mostly they call themselves caring. I recollect once a serial manipulator passed a simple statement - it is fun to manipulate. Surly it is fun to make people dance on your tunes. Who does not love it? But who has better control on the situation? The one who is to be manipulated or the one who manipulates? I think it is the former! If we remain clear about what we want, we cannot be manipulated into something we do not want to do.

Author's Note: People exhaust me, I would rather watch a movie, read a book or head for a walk in the woods!

M done.. Yippi!

Orthodox for O | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

I don't understand what's all the ado with secularism and liberals. In my opinion, orthodox people are most cruel!

If you preach peace then why can't you achieve peace? Because what they preach might not be what they practice.

God exists because evil can exist.

A terrorist - the mastermind never dies himself, he hires men and condition them to serve his purpose for the larger fictitious reason.

Take Saudi, holding on to tenants of Islam so much so that its constitution is based on sharia law. Fair enough. People who raise voice are hanged, lashed and killed. Well the world look in awe, no politician makes a cry about it, because oil rules the global economy. And to keep the oil barren content Saudi Araia heads UN's Human Rights wing.

The climate that becomes regressive, talks about caste, gender, color or religion akin to social structures is dangerous. Totally orthodox!

Some claim that India needs a dictator... Do they doubt the decision making power of a normal Indian and wish to assign that role to a dictator. I wonder if they are herds or plainly clueless about autocracy. Would they be fine if they have limited access to Internet? Or no freedom to have an opinion? Letting administrator rule over masses as if people are insignificant, is that being progressive? Do they know nothing about the great red book? There are bad elements everywhere but if suppressing a set of communities make you developed then you need to define your concept of development.

Political ideology that favours world's biggest mass murderer. Well the reason many people admire Hitler in my country is because of lack of knowledge about execution/concentration camps. All those animal loving pure vegetarian hindus cannot approve of killings of humans like that. And if they do, then to me they are 'hypocrites'. Period!

Author's Note: Being opinionated is really a great trait. But when an opinion is based on orthodox beliefs then it takes away the essence of discussion.

Brought together O from drafts!

No for N | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Say No
Without explaining
Your reasons
Your commitments
Your interests
Your issues
Your concerns
Your hesitation

Say No
When you must

Author's Note: N done!

Moon for M | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Hanging in the sky
A big white mass
Sometimes a ball
Sometimes an arc
I gaze at you
Just as a wolf does
You look so pretty
You look so calm
Even when streams of clouds pass by you
You stick on the skies
Passing through east to west
And your light
It soothes me
It passes on a hope
An assurance
Of getting past the dark
You stay an accomplice
For many of us through the night
For many of us gazers
Who can keep looking at you
In the darkness of night
You call us to tell something untold!
And we listen to your wordless talks

Author's Note: M done... All smiles... Happiness.... Love to all <3 p="">

Love for L | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

The feeling we all crave
That's love
And be assured that it is for real
We are not pushed into a nasty game
So we love, while keeping our guards up
And put down our armour
As if we are warriors
Who could expect to be at ease
When we are assured
That we are away from the enemies
And we can trust the one next to us.
That's love!

Author's Note: L has happened. I am happy!

Kindness for K | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Of every thing in this world
I want to be kind
Like a wave
That touches the shores
And leaves
Making way for the next one
To soil the sands
While it mixes back in the waters
For where it belongs
Heading for yet another mission
On a lookout for another shore
To soil another soul

Author's Note: Done with K.. Yay <3 i="">

Just Stop for J | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

For how long will you put yourself down?
Move far away from trying and struggling.
And repeating to make them understand.
Why and how you do what you do.

Stop being ruled by the rules of the game.
The rules that tell you - to look in one direction.
The rules that mock your passion
Undermine what you feel strongly for

Finding context out of something
Finding something out of context
Just stop!

Author's Note: Quick scribble and bam!

Imagination!

What is faster than the speed of light? Perhaps something that light is chasing! 

Okay, philosophies aside - isn't it imagination? Would you rather imagine something than make an attempt to do it?

Oh no, it is not about motivation. Just imagination without any riders, without any bounds.
Would that imagination scare you, excite you or just plainly take you out of a mundane day.

Some things are better imagined
Some attempts are not worth
So better imagine than attempt
Perhaps attempt those which are worth attempting!

Author's Note: I am just posting I have time crunch to actually go and respond to other blogs. So sorry!

Hope for H | A to Z April Challenge

Everything has been dropped for inference and assumption.

He said nothing, no words and plain stare on the road peeping from the back of my head. While sitting next to me and the driver drove fast on the endless express-way. I acted no different. I blankly shifted my gaze from him to the far reaching farms on his side.

Till the time I hope for being today.

What you say, how you say, what you do not say, what you leave for assumption and inference. All of them revolve around words. What can make you set apart is when you choose the right words. And hope that the words find meaning. Or silence gets heard.

Author's Note: Quick scribble and refined a draft post.

Giving Up for G | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Giving up is not easy
We long for the one last time
We pass on reasons for just one last time
Because the hurt that it brings
And disappointment for lifetime is not we aim for..

We aim for a lifetime of love
And countless moments of holding on to the one we love.
Sharing our deepest fears
And being accepted for who we are
That's why we refuse to give up!
Give up no on hope, love and life!
Author's Note: I did not give up. I am too sleepy. Good night.. yep thats also for G.

Finding Toy for F | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Damn you have not lost it as yet? Dude you are past that age when you could not find a girlfriend!, said John's concerned childhood buddy Ron.
Yes dude, what is the easiest way to get someone? questioned John.

Just tell her that you love her, and you will find your toy', said Ron and for the kind of man he was - that was one of the most honest replies. Sigh!

Author's Note: This is for men who treat women like objects and for women who just go by words. 

P.S.: Again from the saved drafts! Gosh I am so thankful for all the drafts I created! Sleepy now, dozing off~

Evil Eyes for E | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Let's keep our love under shield from the evil eyes of this world. She said and left. It was the love that made her say that. She did not want to leave him. After a while, the door bell rang, and there she was back to whom she keeps telling to keep their love under wraps from the evil eyes of this world. It was a guilt that he asked her to stay. Else he would have broken her heart another time to be told that he has never been hers.

Source Google Search

Her mind screams.

Not for how he should be

But what love is suppose to feel like

Was it the evil eyes 

Or was it just not love

For all the eyes staring at them

Was it for the eyes that she stays

Or was it for her she was staying

Because at the back her mind was a constant question

Nagging her, screaming to come out loud

If evil eyes exist for the love she carried for him? 

Isn't true love meant to be so strong that it can overpower all evil? 

Was she with someone who would fight the evil eyes or would he leave again?

Author's Note: Back to topic of love, confusion and so on... Well how could I drift from this topic. It the something that keeps the world going (mostly make people get upside down). Again a draft makes way for my A to Z entry. #SuperBusyMe

Dreams for D | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

If dreams are pebbles
Throw them in the puddle

Google Image Search

Let them make ripples
Dream on you dreamer

Dream on and on and over again
And bring smiles to idle times
Bring joy to toddlers face
Kill monotony in an elderly's life

Dream on you dreamer
More than anyone any time
Even a small dream whatsoever

If your dreams make you smile.

Author's Note: On a lighter note, sleep on! Kidding...

However I believe if you are a true dreamer you will lose on your sleep to make the dreams come true.

Another hectic day and a day with patchy internet connection, I pulled together a verse. Hashtag Proud!

Childhood for C | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Here is a list of a few childhood memories we all miss the most. What's best to revisit that time. Here's what I carry for my childhood takeaways:

1. That Raw Imagination – imaginary friends, turning dad’s jacket into a monster, and making strange faces in front of mirror only to get scary with ourselves.

2. Completing home-work so that we could get free before we hear Duck Tales hooo-uuu-ooo on TV!

3. Evening play time was a routine, spending summer vacations at Naani (Maternal Grandmother) house was the most looked forward time.

4. Free-flowing creativity - decorating scrap book, building sand castles, paper craft and the list is endless!

Google Search - Childhood

5. Waiting for Shenaaz’s MTV’s Most Wanted on MTV when it use to be a music channel. Oh I loved her so much.

6. Gang-fights during recess. Our ammunitions were paper balls or aluminium foil balls. Though I hardly participated, and preferred to go on walk across the school!

7. Being super excited about everything - stationary shopping, watching Hip Hip Hurray, finding a plastic toy in fun flips pack, anybody’s birthday party!

8. Getting a chance to click photos and waiting for the album to develop.

9. Looking forward to meet those role model – Didis and Bhaiyas who were just so cool! My case was more with my maasis and mamajis (that's my mother's siblings)

10.   Rainy season fun – making paper boat, getting drenched along with worms in a muddy wet soil. Oh I so proudly pass on this legacy to my kid cousins.

Author's Note: OMG, I cannot believe that I could pull together ten points, though this post was saved draft. There's more that I will add here because I am super busy...

Treasure hunt, organizing fests, wishing to sleep sound after watching a horror movie, swings (I still hop on swings), kite flying (I got kites every 15th August but I remember that I could actually fly it once, and after taking the flight it started raining and my kite came down soggy), planning mischief, playing kabaddi, cricket, hide and seek, bicycle race, inventing new games.

My C alphabet happened finally. 

Break Ups for B | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

We fail to see beauty in the so called imperfections.

I came across one of the most awkward reasons of breaking up. 

It was when someone told me that I broke up with my the then girlfriend after watching Om Shanti Om. I saw Deepika Padukone and I wanted someone like her. Not like the one who was sitting next to me when I was watching On Shanti On.

I was like, wait what? I was thinking about what the girl must have gone through on knowing the reason for her getting dumped. I felt a little sad for her and strongly believe that she deserved better. It was upsetting to me, because I have always believed that relationships are never about looks, they are about the connections you form with a person. However, I do not blame those who relate with this story because that's what is the major-i-tarian normal. 

Not all break ups are stupid, some are very well designed - reasons being inconsistency, disrespect, insensitivity, been taken for granted... The moment you sense it, move on! You do not deserve such treatment. 

Have you or someone you know ever broken up with someone for really odd reason? Drop it in comments.

Source - Google Image Search

Now I would like to come back to the topic. The break up reason was very immature. Or perhaps points at a shallow desire to get what we want rather than a mature approach of nurturing what we have. We are often not content with what we get and end up finding flaws in no matter how amazing connection we form out of our existing relationship. We hold on to past or certain traits we always wanted in the person we should be with - and some of them are physical. There we fall a victim of a vicious cycle of getting into it a new relationship and then falling out of it because the relationship-test did not go well. In that process we are not just selfish but cruel to those we leave behind. If someone protests ill-treatment we take it as a protest towards the way we are supposed to fall for someone. And object at someone being true to their individuality.

Oh no.. Thats now how it was meant to be. It was supposed to be someone with perfect fearutes, figure, and best a muted doll. No matter what a loser I am but the girl should be ideal. Or no matter how nosey the woman in the relationship is the guy should be naive. And we keep struggling with seeking acceptance of the society's shallow standards. Even if there are numerous moments of extremely beautiful connection. We end up bringing reasons to fall apart. 

Accept the person for what they are. 

Author's Note: Break ups are tough, but when they happen over immature reasons, the entire relationship appears to be a waste of time and effort! Well about this post, it was a day off but nonetheless busy. So I wrote it while on a metro ride. 

Waiting to read odd reasons to break up in the comments section...

Abstract for A | A to Z April 2016 Challenge

Life as we have known is a series of abstract events and thoughts
We gauge the rights and wrongs from what we feel, what we see
Perhaps overlooking what should be looked at
When we need a partner we kind of get so lame
I am the boss, you are my slave, equality oh no does not find a place

Assertive is not a trait any more
Aggressive is not a problem at all
Passivity flows through our veins
Controlling the situations is what they crave

Source - Google Image search - famous abstract art picasso

And just hanging out with lame friends is cool
Forming connections is a waste of time
Those who feel, feel too much of pain
Those who faf, faf along with hollow pride

Huge voids and such redundant life
That they count to be great and I call it waste
Working at emotional level is looked down at

We all think we know
But what is it we know even we don't know
Confusion persists, and we keep on with this

P.S.: If you value real connections, you know what I am talking about.

Author's Note: Some poems do not rhyme! As I start my first post today, I hope you have enjoyed reading it. Again I should not fail to mention - I am super busy, was only wondering if I can do it. Let's move day by day and sail through it!

On a closing note>>
I value the visitors on my blog,
So please drop a comment,
That's what I look for :)

A-to-Z Challenge [April 2016]

Hello peeps, treat this as my formal announcement for third attempt at the seventh edition of A-to-Z Challenge [April 2016]. Yes yes yes, it is happening, however this is the first time that I am so full of self doubt!

After such such busy days, and exhausting times, I finally found time to sit and write it. Well it is just about quarter past eleven and I am writing my announcement post after a wrap up of my organization's quarter ending meeting! Sounds busy eh #SlySmile...

My mind talk continues - Whether I will complete it, I have too much work and too much to do... Will I find time to pour my heart out of one of my most cherished possession, my blog in case you could not infer! My heart reassures me - I fared well in the earlier ones, and I do not have any reason to not participate in it this year. I won the last two - hang on, no trophy, just that I stuck through it till the end!!!

Here is a recap of my earlier participation:
A-to-Z Challenge 2015 - Reflections themed Random
A-to-Z Challenge 2014 - Reflections themed Emotions and Expressions

Here's the batch of participation:

I need good wishes, I want to get back to blogging big time and what else could be a better motivation than the A to Z Challenge?

Here's to the fellow bloggers who will sail in the same!
Here's a special mention of my special blogger friends - Shesha Chaturvedi and Christopher Roger D'souza! Just feeding your links here!

All the best to everyone who took on the challenge, may we all reach the end, and celebrate, discuss, cherish and laugh over this accomplishment in the coming times. Love you all my fellow bloggers!

As I publish, I am impressed. I turned it around pretty fast, in less than fifteen minutes! Please overlook the errors. #StraightFace

Just me

Just free
Just naive
Just lazy
Just trapped
Just tipsy
Just adventurous
Just hungovered
Just random
Just planned
Just impulsive
Just careful
Just crazy
Just easy
Just brutal
Just carefree
Just tired
Just enthusiastic
Just sleepy
Just awake
Just naughty
Just lame

Just me