Intoxication

I kept craving for it and always wanted a dope to start my day.

Today I am out of my stock, as yester-night while my way back home under the affect of alcohol I dropped my bag. So I do not have cash and have to get my credit and debit cards blocked too! But that will come only after my daily dope, fags are no more effective! I am chocked. The Nigerian peddler, John is not taking my calls. All I can think of is to head to John’s place; I know he keeps all his stock in the second drawer of cupboard. I badly need a dope!

I wanted drugs every waking hour of day. I started doing drugs when my ex-boyfriend Akhil left me for someone else . He tagged my being possessive as schizophrenic mental disorder. While he dumped me, I found taking solace in the world of intoxication relieving and soothing. It best suited me, doing drugs made me feel normal and helped stop getting to past memories. I understood that drugs can be my partners for life. They make me feel good! Ensures that life is wonderful. I can be myself after doing it, as often I shout on the middle of a road at the top of my voice!

I reached John’s place to find the door locked. No one was inside and my craving did not stop me to try a hairpin which successfully opened the door. The dope stock was kept exactly where I thought it should be. I sniffed a dope and the stock was sufficient for a fortnight. Later I called up the banks to get my cards blocked, but someone had made purchase worth 75,000 from my credit card, thankfully my debit card was left untouched. I got those blocked and called up the police to report the theft transaction.

My untimely office hours were routine and I could not work without liquor. I have the liberty of doing fag, booze and drugs at my small cabin. Thankfully no one questions your habits at production houses! I saw John waiting near my house. I avoided him, but he followed asking for money and shouted, you stole the dope and if you don’t pay me you better know what I will do, he too was under the affect of drugs.

John, I tried calling you, but you did not take my call. I was running short of my stock and all what I could think of was to visit your place. I will pay you the money only when I get my debit card. You know it was stolen yesterday. So give me sometime. And I entered my house. He kept following and said don’t lie you b****. You know I cannot report this theft to anyone and you better pay me my Rs. 25k now!

I said, calm down John, I told you I don’t have money and don't make illegitimate demands as the stuff was worth 5K only. He started getting cheap and tried imposing him on me. I pushed him off but he was getting uncontrollable. All I could to was to smash his head with the vase kept next to my bed. The moment I banged it, he fell unconscious. I sat there expecting that he will be fine, and soon I realized blood started pouring out of his nose. I was scared, the idea of taking him to hospital seem impossible and I could not call anyone for help.

The door bell rang, who’s that I asked and the reply was it’s the Police!

I thought that the neighbors might have called up the police as John was shouting at me. Or may be its related to my lost bag. But anyways I cannot let them in. I will be arrested. What do I do? All I could think of was running away from the back door.

I straightway headed to my car and drove out fast. The fuel came to a halt at secluded area near Delhi Cantonment and was wondering that I just killed someone. Had I not been under the affect of drugs, I would have been better, but drugs induces happiness, otherwise life is bad without Akhil. I don’t have money and I cannot go back to my place.

Two guys in a bullet crossed by me, as they saw me inside the car, they made a turn towards me. I tried starting start my car to avoid encountering strangers at 2 am, but my car was out of fuel. The person driving the bike was in black t-shirt and military cargo, said do you need any help? I was shivering with fear, and my temperature was rising I said in a trembling voice, no thanks! I felt breathless and I wanted water plus the dope…… The guys were making a move when I called them, hey well I need some water. The other guy in basic blue denim and yellow t-shirt handed over water to me. But before I could hold it, everything blacked out and I fainted.

I wake up to know that I was hospitalized. The wall-clock read 7am, the guys were sitting on the sofa arranged perfectly in the room. A nurse came, changed the glucose bottle attached to the drip, and kept some medicines for me, while saying don't take these empty stomach. Have some food first and then pop them in.

I looked at the guys and asked why I am here? You fainted out of anxiety and you were high on drugs too! So we took you here. It’s a private hospital and hopefully you not face police problem. We could not locate your phone or anything in the car to contact your family, so please call them up (pointing at the phone next to the bed) or should we do it for you?

My instant reaction was, 'well I live alone'. I did not want to get my family involved in it.

The guy in yellow t-shirt got irritated and said, we have been with you for the past 5 hours; at least tell us who do we inform. The other one in black T-shirt gestured at him to keep quite. I tried taking the drip out of my arm. The guy in black t-shirt tried to stop me, while saying hey everything will be fine; you can share the problem with us.'

The other guy uttered, 'Shreyas you try and understand the matter, I am leaving! Call me whenever you intend to be out of this trouble' and he stepped out.

But I was not comfortable sharing anything with him.

The doctor stepped in and uttered a diagnostics saying, you have been big time into drugs! This can eat you up from inside. As I was uninterested, he looked at Shreyas, and carried on with his worldly talks, she may have to be admitted at a rehabilitation center. For the time being you can take her home and make sure she takes proper rest. It was like that the doctor did not know that we were strangers.

He wrapped up the stuff, smiled and should we go, or do you plan to stay here? I got up and followed him to his car. He asked where should he drop me, and I kept quite. He again made an attempt to strike a conversation by saying your car is parked at that place only, but it’s out of fuel!

I started shivering of fear and started crying! He insisted to know the problem and I poured the entire John episode. He kept calm and convinced me to file a police compliant. Shreyas and me went to the police station, where I learned that John was already under police custody. He was a notorious drug peddler and police was after him. The inspector informed that they came to my place the last night to arrest John. They asked a few questions about yester-night and lodged my compliant.

I had stolen enough dope to satisfy my craving for 15 days and was determined to locate a new peddler within 15 days. But I could not visit the pubs (which are hub for the peddlers) as I kept meeting Shreyas after office everyday. He is an Air Force Officer posted at Delhi Cantonment. I thought that I can be with him for life, but wasn’t sure if it was infatuation or a real feeling. We gelled pretty well. He did not know that I had sufficient stock of dope that I stole from John’s place.

Shreyas kept asking me if I am still consuming drugs. and everytime a blunt no, came from my side! I thought that this will make him feel that I am a nice girll, no more into drugs. I did not want him to go. We spent quality time together, where he would talk about air force, planes and working for the nation. I spoke endless on world of documentary film making and about following my profession passionately.

When my stock exhausted, I did not know who to head for. After gathering lot of courage I called up Shreyas. Hey Shreyas, Jia this side! Well I need a favour.

Yup tell me, I am there for you service Madam! But before you start, it’s my off today, should we go for a long drive, isn’t the weather pleasant, Shreyas replied with his always cheerful accent.

Okay we can go for a long drive indeed, and its going to rain today. Hey can you arrange some dope please? Shreyas I am really in a bad shape. I am chocking and I just need some dope. Please!

Don’t do drugs Jia please and I knew that he was going to say it.

I got impatient and said, don’t tell me what I should do or not do; I am independent enough to decide what’s good for me and what’s not. You cannot arrange dope for me it’s alright. I can manage and will probably contact some of John’s friends, though I knew none of his friends. I just wanted to convince him. And I hung up on him.

Shreyas called back but I lay helpless, unconcerned to take his call or talk to him. I went on nostalgia of Akhil, I realized that I missed him whenever I was not under the affect of drugs and wonder he would come back to me. At the same time I hated him for his fake feelings. It started raining outside and I tried to blend my soul into the sound of water droplets hitting the roof, of the plastic shed at the balcony. I cried like a kid for some time, and could not hear anything except the sound caused by rain. I remembered the days when me and Akhil took long walks in rain, unfortunately that time cannot come back. I realized my door bell was ringing constantly. My intuition struck that it could be Akhil, it should be him, and no one else.

I open the door, a courier boy stood; he handed over two parcels to me and got his notebook signed. It was duplicate copy of my debit card and Akhil’s wedding invitation. I froze for sometime, all I could think of was suicide! I felt betrayed, helpless and consuming some 45 sleeping tablets.

I got up at hospital, and my family was around. Of course Shreyas took me here, he was standing at the back quietly looking at me, as if he knew everything that I went through. And my parents were scolding at the same time consoling me. They convinced me to attend a rehabilitation programme to get rid of the compulsive intoxication. Shreyas use to meet me everyday at the 6 week rehabilitation programme I attended. And I felt like a princess with him around.

I don’t know if I and Shreyas will be together. But I learned a lesson of moving on! Starting Akhil and the drug insignia; I learned that one has to move out of past grudges. Change is the only constant and life may not shape up as desired. Taking refuge in something dreaded can never help as it eats up the soul. Many people start doing drugs after being cheated in love. I now look forward to life and now I will be working on a documentary against drug abuse!

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