Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Fear



I was walking on a calm road. However, it ought to be a busy one, as it is right besides a busy ringroad. But this one is calm, you dont get to hear the honking to rash bus drivers, its rare to spot a car or two. I am amongst the pedestrians who take resort to an evening walk everyday after work.



Do I actually come here for a walk? I often ask myself. I have a strange association with this place. During the day its all green, peaceful and lively. One can just sit around while missing college days! At night its mysterious. Is it really enigmatic or I make it that way? I make stories as I stand beneath a tree I detest looking up as I fear a child will be sitting on the branch and will wave at me. While walking in dark I feel a witch is riding on a broom stick chasing me.

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Fear


I was walking on a calm road. However, it ought to be a busy one, as it is right besides a busy ringroad. But this one is calm, you don't get to hear the honking of rash bus driven, its rare to spot a car or two. I am amongst the pedestrians who take resort to an evening walk everyday after work.

Do I actually come here for a walk? I often ask myself. I have a strange association with this place. During the day its all green, peaceful and lively. One can just sit around while missing college days! At night its mysterious. Is it really enigmatic or I make it that way? I make stories as I stand beneath a tree I detest looking up as I fear a child will be sitting on the branch and will wave at me. While walking in dark I feel a witch is riding on a broom stick chasing me.

I know I come here to face my fear! To affirm that I am a brave girl. Of late I have observed myself facing my fears and this makes me feel high about myself. Ironically I feel that I am just being silly, nothing of this sort happens! Perhaps I am in love with this place, my accomplice for happy and sad times. When I am happy I want to take a long walk and celebrate my happiness with the trees and birds around. When I am sad I want to find a secluded corner to cry.

Today was a strange day. I woke up in the morning with someone knocking on the door of my room on opening it no one was there. While commuting a women passed by my car and on my shouting at her she gave a wicked smile to me, as if she wasn't scared of being hit by my car. The lift-man of the office building was a new guy who greeted me with a big smile, dressed like the doorman of five star hotels.

While this thought was crossing my mind, I saw a man coming towards me. He seem like a sensible gentleman in his early 40s. He sought me to guide him for the way to the ringroad. I was distracted from a self interrogation session. This is meant to be my me-time, I don't even take my mobile calls during this time. Irritated, I politely responded to his query to guide him a way to the ringroad. He seem confused and requested me to accompany him till the turn where it would be easier for me to help him locate the way.

Not wanting to walk towards the other end of the road with a stranger. I thought to start interacting with him. I have always been apprehensive about sharing my thoughts and vulnerability with someone known, as it would give them a means to for them to be judgemental. For the world, I am an introvert.

The gentleman introduced himself, I am Dr. Khocchar, I am a management professor at Harvard Business School. For a moment I was taken aback. HBS, well this is amongst the best b-schools in the world, rather the top most school. Ohh, I am Maanvi, I work as a researcher with Mc Kinsey!

I like this place, greenery and peace despite being a part of the national capital, he said.
Is it the first time you have come here? I asked.
He replied, yes, I was suppose to visit FMS, its good to come back to your country.
Mhmmm, I murmured.
This being a campus area, I have been noticing a lot of billboards aimed at sensitising the youngsters about STDs, HIV, fighting eve teasers, and what not.... Is it actually safe? I have been reading quite a few things on Delhi being unsafe.
Yes its safe! I was be-dazed by his question. At least I have never noticed anything supernatural and I don't even want to, I thought.
Ohkkk... he seemingly was perturbed by my being stunned. Well its ought to be safe, I have seen police around, he was trying to get be back at ease.
I smiled at him and decided to share my vulnerability. I said actually you asking me this question took me off my senses. I took your question to a completely different connotation. I told him that I find this place unsafe and fear facing supernatural powers, but I still come here. He heard me with patience.
So you face your fear.. That's amazing, not many people can do it. I must say that you are a brave girl, this made me feel as it I am a kid and someone is telling me that I am the best! I just could not stop now, I started narrating all the instances and philosophies that I have about life and my fear. It was the time that we reached the corner of the road where we were suppose to part ways. He said that he would have loved to spend time with me, a brave girl!

Situation 1: He asked could we sit for some time together and talk about it. We sat roadside and discussed my philosophies with him. He was an amazing human being and I was no more an introvert. After an hour, he had to leave, we shared visiting cards and stayed in touch. He was someone who will remain unknown to me, but I have managed to have a pal to share my vulnerability with, without the fear of being judged.

Situation 2: Now however he had to leave as he had a to rush. Can we meet sometime in future, he asked while we exchanged cards. He promised to meet tomorrow and then vanished instantly in the air. He was a spirit... I was dead scared.

Situation 3: For today its not possible, I have to head for home. I notices a vendor staring at us. Can we meet tomorrow? He asked. Yes we can I said and we shook hands. We took our ways and looked back to pass the last glance for the day. He was not there. He perhaps vanished. I asked a vendor, where is the gentelman? He replied who gentelman. I have been noticing you talking to yourself. I was not scared, he perhaps we a ghost or an illusion. I plan to met him tomorrow. I know I am brave.

Author's Note: Which is the best situation of all... Please give your preference.
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